Redemption? Recovery? Recividism?

I've been thinking about why there is such a taboo around the notion of suicide, that it is the only act beyond all sense of redemption. A patient recently came to me, telling me he had tried several times this week to die unsuccessfully, and if I would not help him, no one could. Grabbing me by the shoulders and looking me in the eye, he stated that if he could not get help, he would walk out and jump off a building. And I believed him.
But I wonder why such things are looked upon as mental instability. People point out that Judas the traitor hung himself after he had performed the 'sin of sins' by betraying the Son of God, and that is why (simplistically, I think) suicide is wrong. However, Aristotle poisoned himself surrounded by his followers at the end of his life, and no one rejects his writings out of hand because of it.
I am not so sure why we single out Judas as the ultimate of traitors. It's written that "all of [the disciples] will betray [Jesus]", and all of them, indeed, did flee and betray Him. However, I also note that Judas was the only one noted to have tried to make things right without being asked. He was the one, trying to beg for His life, returning the money, proclaiming that he was wrong. Peter, on the other hand, just stands around and cries when he realizes that he's in the wrong, and doesn't actually ever apologize for his betrayal. (Yes, yes, I heard the interjectors saying, "But he was too ashamed to actually apologize; he needed Jesus to bring him back into fellowship with Him, just as we need Him to initiate fellowship with us") However, I also note that Judas was the only one to feel enough anguish at his betrayal to -believe- that he was beyond redemption, and so ended his life. I know it is possible to feel enough sorrow, enough pain, to want to bring it to an end, and I wonder if Judas, of all the disciples, was the only one to understand the depth of their betrayal.
I think there is still room for redemption for Judas, -despite- his suicide, as there is for all of us, traitors and betrayors all. It -is- only through death that we can walk into life again, so I can only look to Judas and wonder....

Merry Christmas!

So I was thinking about some of the reasons why I appreciate my parents, and a few of them revolve around Christmas. Some of these things, I think, have been quite formative in how and why I think about certain things. I was chatting with a friend of mine, and he reminded me of this while we were talking about when/where we were having Christmas dinner this year. Most years for almost as long as I can remember, my folks have always invited people who were not family to eat with us and our family. Certainly, we don't eat all Norman Rockwell style; most of the time, we eat standing around the kitchen island, but that's besides the point. We've had foreign students, recent immigrants and single parents, both Christian and not, sit at various times around our 'table' for Christmas (admittedly also, most of the time, they're exclusively Korean people, but that's also besides the point). I think that is something that I profoundly respect about my folks. Their table has always remained open to people who had nowhere else to go for Christmas. We didn't have a turkey, nor any cranberry sauce this year (sadly), but I think this was the first time that I really saw the diversity around our table. And I think that makes up for any lack of cranberry sauce and turkey... Merry Christmas to you all... I hope you had a lovely one....

Feed the birds, tuppence a bag...

I am usually struck with the prevalence and profundity of depression, in all its forms. Sometimes I feel like these walking wounded are abnormally attracted to me, sensing in me some kinship or ability to walk alongside them on their descent to hell. I know that this was long-debated many moons ago about 'how tied up' in patients we get, but still... One of my preceptors once said that you end up with the practice you deserve. Some, I suppose, end up with the personalities, the anxious, the entitled, the various psychosomatisms, which would certainly not be my desire. I am not sure if the profoundly depressed are my particular little birds that I am to protect... Perhaps the ensuing folie a deux produces a vortex that helps shoot them out of the tornado, while I'm left spinning around in the dregs that are left...

Food for Thought (FFT) I

"I don't think you can live with the flat, metallic lakes, the brooding firs and pines, and the great expanses of grey rock that stretch all the way from Yellowknife to Labrador, with the naked birches and the rattling aspens, with the ghostly call of the loon and the haunting cry of the wolf, without being a very special kind of person." -- Pierre Berton

About snow tires

So I've successfully driven back out to the countryside last night, despite bad snow squalls and white-out conditions on several of the roads along the way; it took me an extra hour to get up there than it usually would b/c of this, with several rumblings of the roadsides when I swerved over the sides....
Which brings me to the snow tire issue; I know a few people have suggested that I get some for safety's sake. However, I did manage to get by 2.5 winters in Ottawa without them. Also, I'm looking at it from the perspective of probability; I get the feeling that my car, in general, being forced into going head-to-head with a truck/side rail/SUV/compact sedan/mini van, will likely lose. I thus suspect that if I was in a serious enough accident, I would probably die. Which, honestly, I think is better than being left quadriplegic. Which, after having seen many patients (today included) who have been left in various severe levels of disability d/t motor vehicle crashes, is not really my inclination. I figure, if I get snow tires, it just increases the chances that I would survive a crash. Not my inclination. "It's better to burn out than to fade away" states Tom Petty. I'd be inclined to agree; I think I'd rather smash up spectacularly than be partially crumpled.
On another note: I'm staying at this lovely little farm house B&B, so I just thought I would put a little advertising plug in for them: http://www.cedarbraeinn.ca/ . The hosts are lovely people, and it's a beautiful piece of property (though, admittedly, it's under a heck of a lot of snow right now, so I dunno what it looks like when it's all not snowy). It's nice to look out the window and just see trees and snow-covered fields out to the horizon....