Grief for someone who has not gone

The inevitable mourning that occurs when a loved one suffers from mental illness has been striking me recently.
Theoretically, I know that, from a medical point of view, that mental illness is not different in type than physical illness. I know, as a physician, that mental illness should not be a stigmatizing status, and that its sufferers should be seen and treated with the same amount of respect and care that we would for someone with, say, an amputated leg.
The practical reality is, however, quite different. I have been mourning quite deeply for a loved one that I am not entirely sure will entirely come back to reality (see, I'm crying right now thinking about it). I am not sure if it is because that the value that is placed on being of 'sound mind' is incredibly heavy. I am not sure if it is still the huge stigma that is still associated with mental illness. I am not sure if, in my culture and in my social group, that having a quick-thinking, 'normal' brain is expected. I am not sure if we, as a society, truly believe that people with mental illness really are the 'same' as the 'rest of us', and that we actually believe that they suddenly become 'apart', that they are no longer allowed within the realm of 'normality', that we mourn their exile into the abyss of disreality.
The disconnect between what I know as a physician, and how I experience it, as a friend, has been repeatedly slapping me in the face. My friend is still the same dear friend that they were last week, last month, last year. This, just as if they had had a heart attack, been diagnosed with cancer, or lost an eye. However, I fear for their future: for their family, their work, relationships they may have, and how God will deal with all of this.
Now, I know this fear is irrational: God is firmly in control, and He is always good. I trust that He will watch over them, and His ways are things that I cannot understand. Which is why I will not mourn in front of my friend: I may fear and worry, but it is not for my friend to bear my burdens on top of their own. The load that they are now called to bear requires me to help carry it, not to add my own fears and sadness onto it. I am already worried about them in how I have seen family members and friends heaping their own anxieties onto their frail shoulders. It grieves me as to how this will affect their healing, and the role that they may be assigned by the fears that have already been projected upon them, even this early in the proceedings...

Why we need storytellers

OK, so I've been thinking some more about the great seven storylines for all of humanity. Christopher Booker initially wrote about these ideas, and as they persist, and as I had mentioned them in the previous post, I should say something about them. Originally, I had thought they were divided into: boy meets girl, person goes on quest, or some other storyline like that. I think Booker tells it better.
They could be summarized as such:
1. Overcoming the monster: defeating some fain force - whether that is Darth Vader, environmental collapse, nuclear war, the evil in ourselves...
2. The Quest (see, I was right about this one!): an individual or a group setting off to find something - thinking of LOTR, Pilgrim's Progress or the Musicians of Breman
3. Journey and Return: The protagonist goes off on an adventure and returns to after having experienced much and hopefully become a better person - think of the Hobbit or the Wizard of Oz
4. Comedy: not ha-ha funny, but rather, like in Shakespearean comedies, various obstacles and misunderstandings between the hero and heroine ensue, until they are all resolved and the lovers can reunite again - think of any Shakespearean comedy, and almost any romance-y chick flick.
5. Tragedy: again, like Shakespearean tragedy, in that human vice and temptation overtake the protagonist, becoming trapped in their actions, until they (usually) end up in death - Hamlet being the archetype.
6. Rebirth: The protagonist is oppressed, almost seems on the verge of death and it seems that all is hopelessly lost, until they are miraculously freed - such as Sleeping Beauty, Scrooge, and Jesus.
7. Rags to Riches: this is a bit self-explanatory - downtrodden individual is recognized for their value or talent, which are revealed to the world to have a happy ending - this is where Slumdog certainly fits.

I think the story of Jesus is so compelling because it encompasses pretty much all of the storylines. The Tragedy storyline really encompasses Judas' journey, but all the other plots involve the person of Jesus - He has overcome sin, the biggest monster of them all. He has gone on the quest for eternal life for all of humanity. He has journeyed to death and has returned from it. He has overcome all obstacles and misunderstandings that humanity has of God in order to reunite humanity to Himself in a joyful, loving embrace. He has obviously, through the Resurrection, fulfilled the Rebirth story. And He, as the Suffering Servant to the King of Kings, has gone from Rags to Riches.
Compelling, heady stuff that our King has undergone!
(Now, I know Booker wrote his book from some sort of Jungian philosophy/ego-based analysis, but I think that there is something to this seven basic storylines...)

FFT

This has some echoes of Solomon in it... it is unfortunate that the one true Joy, though so easily found, is so desperately avoided by millions around the globe, including this caliph here...

"I have now reigned about 50 years in victory and peace, beloved by my subjects, dreaded by my enemies, and respected by my allies. Riches and honours, power and pleasure, have waited on my call, nor does any earthly blessing appear to have been wanting to my felicity. In this situation I have diligently numbered the days of pure and genuine happiness which have fallen to my lot: They amount to 14."

- Abd-ar-Rahman III, The Caliph of Cordoba, who presided over the 10th-century golden age of al-Andalus, the Moorish kingdom in southern Spain

Chai wallas and chocolates

I've been thinking about Forrest Gump, for various reasons, over the past few weeks. One reason has been because of his approach of simply sitting next to strangers and starting conversations about himself and life (and boxes of chocolate, of course). I've been struck at how odd that really is, and as charming as Forrest Gump is in the movie, in reality, nobody would tolerate that. There are not many people that would be open to having a movie-length conversation with a complete stranger who sat beside them in a park. The issue at hand is that I was talking with one guy I know who uses this strategy to evangelize people, which, I argue, is of lower stakes and in many ways easier than going through the triumph and heartbreak of befriending and loving people instead. Not that I think that it's an either-or issue, just that there is no real harm done; nobody wants to listen to you? OK, they just get up and leave. No implications on your life. Hence, why I ended up thinking of Forrest as a tangible example of this.
That being said, in a completely different track, I also realized that Forrest Gump and Slumdog Millionaire are actually the SAME movie! I am wondering if the idiot savant being the wisest one of all is actually one of the core seven storylines of humanity. Since they are the same movie, it probably explains why people loved both movies so much (myself included). By extremes of coincidence and chance, the protagonist ends up with deep knowledge and experience, much more than everyone else can possibly believe. Through this, the naif gains wealth, romance and adventure.
I wonder if we are swept up with this particular storyline, as, deep down, most of us are all underdogs, and we cheer them on, marveling at how they outwit and outsmart adversaries many times more superficially talented, beautiful and intelligent. Perhaps we all hope that we could end up with that kind of fairy tale endings with our lives... admittedly, Dostoevsky's The Idiot doesn't quite fit that same pattern, but I digress...

Paralyzing freedom

Today, I am convinced that one of the difficulties of living in the West is just the limitless possibilities that are open to us. I think that I am deeply privileged to live here, but I think also that the overwhelming choices sometimes make it difficult to navigate. You somehow are always left with the question, well, what if I had picked X instead?
Talking with my folks today about a bit of language learning I had picked up this weekend, they had mentioned that I could also consider maybe learning my actual ethnic language by going overseas and taking one of their summer courses. Pointing out also some of my scholastic ambitions over the next little while (very small ambitions, no Master's degree or anything), the other possibilities of continuing education then flood the mind with all the courses, certificates and diplomas available. Furthermore, I am in the midst of an application and selection process for two very different fellowships/cohorts/conferences, both of which are conveniently taking place at approximately the same time in the same country.
I realize that all of this is only possible because of my geography and my socio-economic class. The idea that a woman could be an educated professional/academic, travel the world, educate herself, and participate in leadership is sadly so exceedingly foreign to most cultures. Would it have been better if, had my family had ended up on a particular side of the DMZ, I had been destined to be no more than a subsistence farmer, a factory worker, or, perhaps, sold as a bride? I think not. Not at all.
However, I do wonder, with all the potentialities available to us, if that somehow paralyzes us from truly utilizing all of our opportunities. We think, well, I can't accomplish everything, so I won't attempt anything. And some of us truly don't accomplish much more than if we'd been living in a country where the opportunities are next to nothing. Our choices do, however, make it difficult to focus with laser-like precision on what we should do best for God and His Kingdom, that's for sure...