I hear there are three greenhouses available...

OK, that's it: I am tired. I've been back in the country less than 10 days, and I'm already tired of being here. Tired of being guilt-tripped. Tired of having unreasonable demands being made of me. Tired of having to catch up with everybody else's expectations.
I'm tired of having to feel like I have to join yet another committee, about joining another Board, of being made to feel badly enough to almost change travel plans I had made over one year previously, of not doing 'enough' for one organization, of fishing through old files to give to other professionals, of leading another Bible study, of providing money to people just because they ask for it, of unreasonable demands of my time to do battle with companies that I don't give a shit about, of having to provide my 'expert opinion' on various subjects, of being berated multiple times for even leaving the country in the first place, of being poked fun of (or, as someone else has put it: getting my pony tail yanked on a regular basis by the bully), of never hearing 'thank you' from anybody.
This is pretty much the same sentiment from the recent post, but even more accentuated. This funk better lift soon, otherwise I'm just going to start being nasty and selfish...

Hoping my diagnostics heal, not hurt

One thing that I've been semi-wrestling with over the past week has been how to approach people.
That's vague: my main job, in the real world, is to see a person whole, make a diagnosis as to what is hindering them from better health, and suggest therapeutic approaches to improve the situation. This is not necessarily exclusively in the domain of the physical either; certainly emotional, relational, and familial issues are also part and parcel of my job on a regular basis. My training teaches me to look objectively at the holistic situation, and make suggestions. Kind of like an advice columnist, but I get paid more.
However, what happens if you see this in a friend, not a patient? It is far easier for me to look at a patient, who, for all intents and purposes, I don't know and I don't love, and say quite objectively what I believe the fundamental problems to be in their lives. Not so easy when it is someone you know and someone you love. I have noticed some massively large obstacles that are hindering a friend from really and truly fulfilling their entire God-given potential, and it hurts me to see that. It bothers me greatly when giants of our age can so easily be felled by a stone to the forehead. However, some of those obstacles are building barriers from me being able to point this out in any way that would be constructive.
So how does one do this, without making them hate you afterwards? I haven't been able to figure this out. Is it worse to ignore the fact that your friend's fly is down, or for embarrassing them by telling them they need to fix their pants? Sigh. I'm hoping they read this (though I doubt they will) in order to perhaps start opening the communication channels...

Retreat! To yonder castle!

One of the biggest problems of going away anywhere is the coming back. Not only do I feel like I was just getting a groove on, a rhythm of living in the fairy tale castle, lured by the possibilities of just staying (I can't believe how tempting it actually was), but then I abruptly had to leave. That sucks.
However, what has an even higher suckage factor was coming back. I walk into my house with a mail stack about to topple over, full of bills, notices, assessments, medical journals, government forms, etc etc etc, and neglected chores that I'd forgotten to do prior to leaving (no worries; nothing like forgetting to take out the garbage). Then, at the office was an inbox stuffed full of insurance forms, disability claims, pregnancy ultrasounds... a pile a foot high! Furthermore, having to deal with several email inboxes (along with one new one!), meetings that are being planned for the end of February and into March, realizing I already do not have a free weekend for another four weeks is enough to make one give up being a responsible adult.
That's it. I don't want to be a grown-up anymore. At times like this, I really do want to opt out, have someone take over and do all these tasks for me, to tuck me into bed, kiss me on the forehead and just tell me everything will be alright...

England III

I'm sorry that I haven't written all that much, but there really hasn't been much more to say about what I've been up to. To say that I feel a bit like Rapunzel is a bit of an understatement.
One thing, that I'm not sure if I've ever noted about the British before is just their incredible reservedness. Since I've been here, I have yet had a British national introduce themselves to me, or talk to me at all, which is odd, since we have communal meals together. Apparently, it is not really in their culture to introduce themselves to strangers, and they won't talk to someone they haven't actually been formally introduced to. This, of course, has been difficult, as I haven't actually officially met any British people yet, so it is difficult for me to be introduced to anyone else. It's like this awful Catch-22 where you can't meet anyone because you haven't met anyone.
That being said, the most obvious cultures that have embraced me and made me feel welcome here are the Americans, the Koreans and the Brazilians (and combinations thereof). Not surpringly that they are all here, in light of the powerhouses they all are for Good News and Kingdom work, but also not surprising in how garrulous their cultures are, and how open and welcoming that they all are as peoples.
I suppose this is a good place to interject that there are strengths and weaknesses in each culture, and so to paint the picture thusly is not necessarily utterly fair. However, all I can say is praise God for cultures that like people a lot, otherwise I'd have an awful lot of wandering the halls here, wondering what the hell to do with myself...

I'm a banana with... lemon filling???

I believe not since I entered undergrad have I noticed how fundamentally Asian I am, at the core, at the very ends of things.
It is a bit odd that here, in the most lily-white fair of locales, people notice my yellow core. Oddly, however, it was pointed out to me today that my yellow-ness is actually not Korean in nature (gasp!) but Chinese (bigger gasp!).
Now, for some of you, you know that almost verges on blasphemy. However, I do see what they're talking about. I know, I know, some would say that I have about as much Chinese-ness in me as blood in a stone.
It is strange, traveling all around the world, and gaining a deeper appreciation of what it means to be Canadian, but here, in one of the closest cultural parity countries to my own, I am stymied with being Korean on the outside, Caucasian inside, but with a deep East Asian core, molten gold, hot as dragon's breath, unyielding as jadestone.

England II

In the construction of the Book, a whole whack of work needs to go into it, I've realized. There are stats to obtain, compile and analyze. There are socio-political situations that need to be observed from several different angles to have a better sense as to where the 'real' story lies. There are the myriads of stories from workers abroad needing to be sifted from what are warm, fuzzy anecdotes to what gives a real sense as to what's happening nationally. After all of this, then one can start writing and editing their piece, after which input from people all over the world is required, formatting of pages and ruthlessly editing so that eventually everything will fit into a book you can actually carry without breaking your back. Not an easy job when you've got a bare-bones volunteer corps to do the work, and then you also get occasional numbskulls like me showing up.
It's been quite interesting to do some reading and learning a little bit more of what's going on on this planet of ours, but mainly I've been doing scut work to make the important work easier later on. This runs the gamut of data entry, filing stories and labelling articles to make it easier to find information later.
I suppose what strikes me most is the nature of office work. Never having worked in an office before, there are a few things about this method of working that are odd to me. Firstly, it makes your bum sore, having to sit down at a computer for pretty much the whole day. I'm used to being up and down and walking around every few minutes. Also, since I spend my days talking to, or at, people, the relative quiet and 'humming along productivity' of an office is strange to me. I can also not get over how doing some of these tasks really do take me all day, and into the night. The last thing that is also the strangest to me, besides the quiet, is the lack of touch. This may seem weird, as I suppose office workers would otherwise have massive sexual harassment suits on their hands, but we all know that regular human touch actually improves stress levels, blood pressures, etc. Of course, I'm usually spending a good chunk of my time 'laying hands' on everyone, so I do feel out of sync not doing so here. I've discovered, though, that I'm not particularly bothered by not being in charge or in control; having a boss, and several managers is actually OK, which is good, as I thought perhaps my control-freak nature would have issues.
However, it is good. I'm not entirely sure how useful I really am being to the team (that would be something for my boss to evaluate, I suppose), but otherwise, at least, this is a strange, though pleasant, change from my usual routine.

England I

So, I haven't exactly written too much yet, mainly because there's not yet much to be said. Having gone through a national holiday and a weekend, I haven't exactly done gobs of work yet. Actually, I've been feeling rather slothful up to this point.
One thing that I've noted about the Brits in general, however, is their unbelief in indoor heating. Partly it's historical; winters are fairly mild here, so the massive amounts of insulation that we put into our homes in Canada doesn't quite compute the same way here, as it is less necessary. I haven't yet actually successfully felt warm since I've arrived in this country, and, to add insult to injury, it started snowing today.
That's probably about it: I've already spent a bit of time in London proper, and realized that I actually knew the downtown core much better than even my British friend did. I think I wasn't kidding when I said I've been to London several times enough to be satisfied as a 'tourist'...

An anti-New Year's resolution

Now that 2008 is over, my self-imposed clothing fast is over. That is to say, I am now allowed to go and buy clothing of all kinds again, from socks to cardigans. Now, the fact of being abroad isn't going to change that status anytime soon, and besides, I'm not the type to be chomping at the bit to get to the mall. Furthermore, I haven't really missed shopping much anyways, since I'm kind of the antithesis to a clothing horse.
You'd think that a girl, living in North America, giving up her ability to buy any new clothing for a year would be something that would be broadcast on television, or at least broker a book deal or something, about how she endured such trials and what she learned. What I suppose I did learn: I don't really need new clothes, not unless the old ones are unmendable, or unwearable. Not having to go clothing shopping saves a lot of time. There are many other ways to bond with your girlfriends than spending a day at the mall. You can stay unfashionable long enough to become fashionable again. Beauty that depends on how I'm dressed is a pretty shallow beauty, and I desire to cultivate a deeper beauty than that. I acknowledge that clothes do indeed make the man, and as a society, we do judge people's worth and merit based on how they look, perhaps a little bit too much, however, well-dressed people really do look well put-together (yes, yes, though it's still shallow). Like any addiction, once you break it, and are used to the new lifestyle, it's not that hard to stay clean. (OK, so I didn't have an addiction, but I certainly find I'm not even tempted by 70% off really cute shirts anymore).
I think that I will replace some of my socks that have gotten a bit hole-y over the year, but I am not entirely convinced there's anything else that needs space in my closet as of yet. I'm still not going to volunteer to go for a day of mall-shopping either.
So, for 2009, I resolve to let myself go shopping. Shrug. No biggie.