Monday, January 07, 2008
I will heap burning coals on your head....
What surprised me recently was realizing that you can still be civil, even witty, with people you really dislike. I didn't think that was possible. I think I am struck by the notion of Asians having a deep need to 'keep harmony', or at least the semblance of it, above any sort of snufflings of conflict. That the notion of 'face', above everything else, reigns supreme, so that the whole group may move in the presumption that all is well on the surface, but just underneath the ripples lie turmoil and seething emotion. Of course, I was well aware of the fact that you MUST be civil with everyone (as an Asian), even if you hate their guts (as well as all the other bits of their bodies besides their intestines). What I found flabbergasting was that you could even joke and have witty repartée with one's so-called 'enemies'. Is this what 'heaping burning coals on their heads' is supposed to look like? Something tells me not...
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4 comments:
Hmm, I never thought of it that way before, how saving face at least superficially appears like loving your enemy. I suppose the real test comes when you have the opportunity to bring honour on them, instead of just being polite. On the otherhand, do we do it just so that the burning coals will be heaped? :p One could twist their conscience into a pretzel wrestling with that one.
I'm not asian so perhaps I don't have the same inclination to save face, but I know that I will play nice with someone with whom I have a problem just to avoid a conflict, because I'm either too lazy or too chicken. At least in my case, I'm pretty sure it's not because I'm being loving.
heaping coals, saving face, killing them with kindness...whatever it is called, i'm pretty sure that the dentist is thrilled to be kept in business with all of the gnashing of teeth! I just realized recently that hell is where gnashing of teeth occurs, and that i do it often!
yup, i'm an asian, canadian woman. i am passive aggressive as the day is long!
being also paranoid, is there something you want to tell me?! o_O
ahhh...but the fun begins when you actually let the person know you have an issue with them, and address it indirectly and non-individualisticly. translation: harping about the problem behind the person's back and having the truth trickle in slowly from various 'loving' sources. it's called 'the last to know' game. perfectly effective when done well!
Wow, how devious! ;p
"address it indirectly and non-individualisticly. translation: harping about the problem behind the person's back and having the truth trickle in slowly from various 'loving' sources. it's called 'the last to know' game. perfectly effective when done well!"
8-O
Learning about other cultures is often a shocking adventure. Thanks to both of you for sharing your comments about your culture. As a culturally clueless white dude, trying to sort out my own muddled cultural identity, and figure out how other cultures work at the same time, I find myself always indebted to patient guides from other cultures who are willing to explain how the world works for them-- even when what they say makes my jaw drop.
--Random White Dude From the Internet
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