Postcards from the Edge Episode XI Part XIV

I know it's rather unusual that I would write a PFTE from the confines of Toronto or Ottawa, but I think I've been struck enough by being in Toronto that perhaps I should write. Certainly the culture-shock of being back here has been more striking this time around than even when going overseas to Africa. I can't quite put my finger on -why- that is, per se, as I've lived in this city for most of my lifetime. I've been working on this PFTE for a few weeks now (which is also not typical; usually I just type 'em up and send 'em off), as I'm not sure how this will come across since this is an observation 'from home', and not 'away'.... it's not meant as an indictment of anyone particularly in Toronto... it's just what I've observed/felt, like I do anywhere that I go....
The hustle-bustle, hurdy-gurdy, rush rush rush cacaphony that is the reality of a city this size is starting to grate on my very soul. In other parts of the country, I've heard repeatedly about the dislike that most of the rest of Canada harbours towards Toronto, but, now that I am here, I can -feel- why this is so. It is not all terribly bad; certainly, walking through Kensington regularly heartens me, and I am currently on the hunt for the perfect pad thai. Most of my patients are quite nice, and most of the people that I work with are as well. However, I have always contended that work is not, and should not, be the all-encompassing part of life, engulfing most of the precious hours that we live (this is not to say that I'm completely hating my job; to the contrary, I think my job is one of the more interesting ones going, but that doesn't mean it should gobble up my time like a big piece of tiramisu...)... I am not sure if it is the contrast between the isolation of the north, where, geographically speaking, you are alone (which is not bad at all) to the isolation of the city, where, emotionally speaking, you are alone (which, when living shoulder-to-shoulder with millions of others, strikes you as bad). The wide open spaces, the trees, the stars and the skies speak to something (well, really, Someone) much larger than yourself, whereas the hurriedness and busy-ness of people in the city speak more to the small-mindedness that we develop when we are so minutely engaged in the details of our own little lives..... I am not so sure if it is the small-ness of the soul in the big city that I feel weighing down or if it is something other....
Some ponderings...
julia