Porphyria

Some have expressed concern that I am going mad; perhaps I am. They say I make little sense, that I'm incoherent at best, pedantic at worst. I suppose blogging in the middle of the night stuff that doesn't make sense to most is a sign.
What I find curious are decision making trees. How do they happen? Are they rabbits in hats, or do they actually make sense? It is also funny what kinds of decisions people make, despite the cautions and the prohibitions others older and wiser warn of. I certainly know of decisions that I have made that were wrong, even though 'older and wisers' told to me to choose otherwise.
And what about people that make you feel icky? People that just make you want to crawl out of your skin and scream? I haven't felt that way in a long while, but it just happened a few days ago; I think my fuse is shorter now than it used to be; I see aspects of myself that have been lost over these past few years that others have warned of and saw happening in real time. It's like I emulated questionable characteristics of the other that changed me (I see them), and I don't know where mine have gone (where are they?). I've been told that people want me back, that they haven't seen me for a long time as I seem to have disappeared under expectations, fear, demands and judgement. Is it possible to find yourself in madness? After years of being buried and suffocated? Does joy in the morning return as brightly as it once did, or does it remain a sickly hue after years of smog? Perhaps I am going mad....