So, I'm usually quite a loquacious, opinionated, incredibly verbal girl, as some of you may well know. What struck me as incredibly odd, especially while I was in the midst of doing it, was how I "went Asian" in a meeting with some friends this afternoon.
Now, some of you would understand what that means when I explain that I didn't say very much AT ALL, spent most of my time serving tea and tidying up after the meal, and being very submissive and demure, like the good geisha girl that I'm supposed to be.
It weirded me out, man... I was thinking to myself, "Self, what the hell are you doing? Why the racial inferiority complex all of a sudden? Is it because they're white people? Are you being a self-hater? Is your 'Asian' mask coming up for the kabuki that you are to play for the white folk?" I thought it was a bit paradoxical, both authentic, yet inauthentic.
It made me wonder as to why that is, why we tend to go Asian when we're outside of the yellow box. I do have some personal suspicions as to why, in this particular circumstance, that would be, however, that doesn't change the nature of the fact that it happens generally.
I was speaking to another friend about this, and she knew EXACTLY what I was talking about as soon as I said I had 'gone Asian' on some white people. Which was a relief; at least I'm not a total oddball. It is interesting to note, though, that this is something that infects the entire race, which is why so many of us do well and succeed to a certain extent, but we never get to the higher, more aggressive, echelons of power. We seem to be held back when it comes to speaking out and standing up; I suspect part of it is our Confucion heritage and our anti-feminist tendencies, perhaps.
At any rate, I found it really odd watching myself going Asian live, in real time, and yet somehow not being able to get out of that rut....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Way to go Julia, keepin' it real in the rice patties!
I find that I 'go Asian' = 'go native' when I'm a majority. When I'm in smack in the middle of a gaggle of Asians, male or female. The gender mix doesn't matter.
I find myself in surreal situations, talking to myself (talking myself out of the weird funk I happen to be in) when I'm out of my cultural comfort zone. Translation: I'm in a new situation and don't know how to behave, so my default position is to give into the cultural 'norms' of my ethnicity. It's safe, it won't get me into trouble, etc. I usually do that at the beginning when I'm slightly unsure what's going on.
I think it's because I feel the pressure of external, situational, cultural expectations of me (whether real or perceived). Esp. as an Asian woman. Esp. in Asian culture, where it's indirect communication style and formal culture (you are expected to do behave this way in this circumstance) in contrast to Western more informal culture (where you go into certain situations and need to intuit the cultural expectations to figure out what to do).
Informal cultures do have expectations of you, it's just more grey and not black and white. You need to assess (sometimes quickly) what the situation is and how to behave. Formal cultures have pre-determined set of accepted behavioural patterns that are more black and white.
That being said, I prefer informal cultures where you earn respect from people and not defer respect just because of their gender, their titles, their age, etc.
Fun stuff! Great post!
This is the first I've heard someone share about this, but thinking back I might have seen it before. Do you think asian men do the same thing?
Does it have so much to do with racial differences, or could it be very general, such as a feeling of insecurity as to whether one belongs there? I guess that is what "canadi-ann" was refering to.
I've seen a situation where an asian woman would go and do dishes for inexplicable reasons, perhaps because she felt an odd-one-out of our group (consisting of mostly locally-grown asians and a white person). Perhaps being helpful is one way to try and gain acceptance with a group your not perfectly comfortable with?
On the otherhand, usually when there is food-prep or clean-up required, my observation is generally that the women congregate on that activity. Probably because the men are too lazy, but there is also a social aspect to the activity that women seem to like. Maybe it feels like a safe place for shy women? I doubt this is the same thing what you're both talking about, but I wonder if there are similarities?
May the white girl speak? eee..
This is an interesting conversation - as both of you are women in leadership that I respect a lot, and coincidently Asian AND operating in a VERY white church. And that's not to say there aren't a lot of Asian's at the church.
This formal/informal culture thing is something I haven't thought a lot about. I'll be thinking about it more...
And in regards to your kitchen tidying and formal-culture-expected behaviour - feel free to pull age and salary-rank on me next time. Dude! You're a doctor - I should be the one cleaning up :)
Samantha, regarding your last comment, perhaps you are seeing Ann and Julia faithfully living out what Jesus called for in Mark 10:42-44?
Post a Comment