Shamanism

I'm not sure if I've written about this before, but it continually ?shocks? humbles? astounds? me how physicians almost seem to be the modern medicine men, the shaman, the grand priest, straddling the divide between life and death... It perpetually surprises me to no end when patients just want the assurance that they are normal, even though they felt fine, and they think that they are probably OK, but still needing the reassurance that yes, they are right. It's odd in that it seems that individual autonomy in actually understanding and feeling one's own rhythms aren't sufficient; one needs an outside source to confirm or deny one's own instinct. Very odd... like being able to get into that confession booth, and being 'free' to walk out the other side... like having chicken bones and tea shaken around in a bowl, and having an incantation being said, in order to be liberated... like having a liturgy or prayer said over you, and the blessing of life is now yours for the taking...

Glory

Boy, so many things and blessings have occurred this weekend, it would be hard to articulate what was all jumbled up in that, however: I think I am feeling more strongly that labels such as conservative/ evangelical/ liberal/ fundamentalist/ radical/ heretical/ left/ right is not how I'd like to be labelled. I would like to be humble enough to free others from those labels as well. I think I just want to follow Jesus. I think I would just like to be known as a Jesus-follower, a foot-washer. That's all. I know I don't do it well most of the time, and I mainly mess it up most of the time, but I think that if the only label I ever get is that of Jesus-freak, that would be enough for me.

Feeling somewhat wretched...

I know I'm wayyyy past the point of being able to party all night, so I'm not entirely sure how I managed to find myself at the Horseshoe at 1am on a weeknight, yelling at people over a few pints and several decibels of funk-rock.... and then dragging myself to work the next day... oh wait, I know... you know who you are, you musicians.... all I need is a few musicians to tell me something will be cool, and I'm there, even if I feel like passing out...

Granola or goofball?

I am well aware of the fact that sandals and socks are a big fashion faux-pas, but I still like doing it with my Birks. I think (or at least, I fancy to imagine) that it lends a wholesome air... certainly, I don't think I'd do that with Tevas or with flip-flops, but I think Birks fall into a different category. I only note this as one of my friends belongs to a group that celebrates the socks and sandals phenomenon, so I feel like perhaps there are enough of us in solidarity for things to be alright...
I am so sorry that I have been much less than profound as of late; I think I have been a bit too busy to be pondering much. That being said, I have been lately thinking about how the ends causes the means, as least in terms of pre- and post-millenialism, which I admit I only understand on the most peripheral of terms, but is still fascinating to think about...

Domesticity... not... more like pre-plane panic...

I must admit, it takes quite a lot to motivate myself to actually do non-food-related household chores... cook? Sure, no problem. Do the dishes? Absolutely! Almost anything else in the house, well, uh... man.... can we hire someone to do this??? I feel like I've accomplished much today, as I've swept up the front walk, dealt with the garden, did the laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, and, most impressive of all, I finally cleaned out my car! That had come to a head when I realized I couldn't really drive two other passengers in my car due to all the junk in it... so, I finally hauled out all the paperwork, journals and magazines that had accumulated in my makeshift bookshelf and dealt with it. I can actually (almost) seat five now, which is impressive... all that, while entertaining and playing with my nephew, who is, of course, the cutest thing to walk the planet... you'd think that was a totally goal-orientated day, wouldn't you? Too bad I'm not really that goal-orientated...

Lullabies

I just came back from a really great obstetrical conference, and it was so super in talking with others who are interested in the same things that I am. I really love delivering babies; it is totally the best thing! However, I must say that, on occasion, we (and by that, I mean the system) are very medicalized about childbirth. It doesn't help that many, many patients are totally on that train, and WON'T let us get off of it. But it bothers me that many 'midwifey' techniques that I've used in the past have not been of much use since I've returned to the GTA, where we epiduralize and medicate everybody, because patients expect and want us to...

Hooray for the CBC... and not just for hockey!

I think I may have mentioned this before, but I think I nurse a small addiction to CBC Radio One... maybe it's Matt Galloway's reassuring voice in the afternoons, or Ideas in the evenings, or Barbara Budd's mildly annoying voice, or just Andy Barrie chatting away (sometimes way out of his league) in the mornings, but it's a bit strange at how attached I've gotten to the public broadcasting voice of Canada... I like Rita Celli, even though I'm not sure what the point of her show is, I miss Global Village, have yet to catch Dispatches, laugh like crazy when I catch the Debaters (yay Shaun Majumder!)... sigh... it's good stuff.... I think I am particularly struck, as I was just listening to a Mr. Lawrence Wright give a Munk lecture on the current clash of civilizations, and how we ended up at this point after 9/11, on my way home this evening, and it was articulate, heady stuff....

Hint, hint, nudge, nudge...

What's really brilliant is creating a wish list of books I'd like to eventually own on Indigo's site... it does help keep track of library building...
Furthermore, I came across this website, which, I think because of the ascerbic humour, makes me laugh: www.hellokittyhell.com....

Free the Koreans!

Sigh.... I'm not going to turn all victimized and everything, but it makes me wonder about the plight of the Korean-American.... now a judge in Washington is suing a dry cleaners for $65 million (!!!!!) for losing a pair of his pants, even after the elderly couple offered $12,000 (!!!!) in compensation (despite the fact the pants were only worth $500). Thankfully, some of the lawyers involved think that the judge should pay them for all the legal bills and mental anguish... I should hope so... ridiculousness in oppressing my people...

FFT

When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten.
And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado.
Reagan, 10

Geographically seeking...

I am totally wondering: Who is regularly reading me from North Bay/Sudbury? I'm greatly flattered, but who are you? Let me know! It's weirding me out!

Incompetent ninnies (mutter, mutter....)

You know, sometimes I think I fundamentally believe incompentency is the biggest vice you could possibly have. Unfortunately, my sister has been the victim of identity theft, all the more improbable as she hasn't lived in the country for several years. I suppose if the corporations had bothered to actually talk to a real person, or done some more work, they would have noticed the fact that she doesn't live in Canada. It's been mind-bogglingly ridiculous talking to various service representatives and other people who just talk at you, don't know how to solve the problem, and don't know who is actually responsible for anything. They, of course, in turn, are not responsible for anything either, and wash their hands of all potential problems.
Perhaps it's because it's in the nature of my job to actually take responsibility, to actually know what's going on, to not be an incompetent loser, to see people that I work for as (oh my gosh, wait for it!) people, to not lose people through the cracks, that completely doesn't allow me to see how other industries can allow that to happen to individuals. Maybe I'm just upset, because that pisses me off that someone would mess with my sister.

SLKT IV

Talking to some Briercrest grads about the nature of worship, some of which was cool, though not very 'new' ideas, such as the notion of worship being beyond music, beyond services, beyond how we feel or what we do, but actually holistic and integral to life. However, another interesting point was that about the aesthetics of worship: Is it important? To whom (or Whom)? What are the driving forces for aesthetics in worship?

SLKT III

Slipping on the skin of a different culture is incredibly difficult; likely one of the most challenging things one can do, as it is impossible, as a snake can, to shed our skins for another.
One story to illustrate the point: Woman falls down, thinks she broke her arm. Ponders about it for several days, despite the nurse begging her to come and get it looked at and cared for. Decides not to come for care. Decides, instead, to SNORT, not eat, 40 Tylenol #1s. Realizes that this doesn't work too well, and finally shows up five days later, wondering how the arm can be fixed....
Several things that I can't wrap my mind around, among many: a) when one is in pain, doesn't one get bothered by this? b) when one is in pain, doesn't one usually seek comfort or care from other human beings? c) when one is offered care and comfort by another human, especially if they have experience in a similar-type pain, doesn't one usually defer to that knowledge? d) doesn't anybody take medication the way the doctor prescribes it anymore? Where on earth does the idea of snorting prescription medication come from? (I know, I know; ppl have been doing that to Oxy for years now) e) when one breaks a limb, isn't it usually intuitive to get that fixed pronto?
It just makes me shake my head, as it completely defies me as to understand this scenario...

North American ethnocentrism

To harp some more about the role of Asians in North Americans in society: I am surprised at myself, and society in general, at how shocking it is that some yellow dude went and shot a whole bunch of people; mainly because it's not -culturally- expected. Generally, we're a pretty invisible lot; we serve as the 'model minority': we work hard, keep our heads low and disappear, pretty much.
The other, more shocking, though not surprising, thing, is how self-absorbed and ethnocentric we are as North Americans. Vigils, candlelight services, television memorials, large murals for people to write their feelings on, loads of flowers and teddy bears - all for 32 unfortunate people who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sure, outpouring of collective grief in mourning is important for healing, but what of the hundreds of children who die because of AIDS? The millions who live in slavery? The thousands who die of preventable causes; famine, unclean water, natural disasters, poverty? What of the 23 Christian Iraqis who were selectively shot, after being pulled from a bus, yesterday in Bagdhad? What of the renewed fighting in Mogadishu, causing hundreds to flee the city into who knows what kind of refugee limbo and leaving over 100 dead? What of Hussein Celil, sentenced to life in a Chinese prison? Why do we not mourn these, also dearly loved, also dearly missed? Why do we wallow in our own self-absorption, thinking that the most terrible things happen to -us-, when, in fact, they don't, and, even more arrogantly, expect the world to mourn deeply with us?

SLKT II

Sometimes I think the number one reason why I come up here is the yogurt. Seriously. I haven't been able to find it anywhere else but here, but it is WICKED! Went to the supermarket yesterday and bought two huge tubs, which will easily be eaten well before the end of next week...

SLKT I

You know what I love about small town airports? I love how there is absolutely no security check; no x-rays, no taking off of shoes, no walking through metal detectors, no nothing.... just check in and fly.... admittedly, you're flying in tiny little 10 person planes, so it's awfully low cost-benefit ratio if you're trying to terrorize a plane, but it's still nice to just check in and go on your way...

Bad things come in 3's (with regrets to Anne)

1. My accountant dropped the bomb as to how much tax I had to pay this year, which was mind-numbing, and higher than last year... booooo! I suppose I could console myself that I'm helping subsidize several obese, smoking, diabetic men get their bypass surgeries or knee replacements, or the governor general's trip to some far off place, but it doesn't help much... not much at all....
2. A KOREAN guy was responsible for the shooting spree in Virginia.... oh, for crying out loud: how embarassing!!!!
3. Actually, life isn't really that bad.... we live in a beautiful world, yeah we do, yeah we do...

Bwa ha haaaaa, the POWER (insert lightning bolt here)!!!!

So, I am apparently cross-appointed to two universities now; isn't that crazy? Who would've figured that any university at all would've wanted me in the first place? Though, really, there's no power, clout, nothing... I don't even have a little paper card proving this fact... sigh.... still have to argue with nurses that yes, indeed, I am not a medical student...

The REAL UFC

While on the topic of international conflict, one of my friends pointed out, when he was a child, his playmates determined that grown-ups should deal with international conflict the same way they would in the schoolyard: the leader of country A should challenge the leader of country B to a fight. Clean fighting, no below-the-belt, boxing ring-type matches. That way, if presidents and kings wanted to fight with one another, they could do so directly, and not send their minions in to do the job for them.
Now THAT would be something that I'd want to watch: Can you imagine pudgy Kim Jong-Il taking on George Bush? I think Bush could take him, even though he's the older man. Or Ahmadinejad taking on Tony Blair? Blair could TOTALLY take him. It would change the nature of our conflicts, for sure: no president wants to look foolish alone, so conflict would cease, if we did it the good old way, and had the leaders deal directly with the leaders, mano a mano....

Facebook

So I -finally- got a page on Facebook, after much harassment. However, I stripped it down to the bare bones, and, basically, there's nothing on it, except to say to come by and check out my blog. I figure, I have a hard enough time keeping up with this blog, which isn't anything fancy (since I can't figure out how to put pictures and diagrams up or anything)... how am I supposed to keep up with pokes, walls, messages, mini-feeds, etc etc etc??
At any rate, at least I'm there, so if you really want to be my friend, you are perfectly welcome to request it.... now whether I actually get online to check to see that or not, is a completely other matter....

Isn't She Beautiful? - a reprise

So, a friend's friend's blog had this wonderfully written piece that I wanted to share here... It was an 'oh yes!' moment for me in reading that, in thinking in my heart, 'oh, she is so horrid and so callous and cold, but I am still crazy about her, cause I still believe in the ability for her to get up and change the world'... Here's the site: http://riellymclaren.blogspot.com/2007/01/isnt-she-beautiful.html .... of course, if you're too lazy to click on the link, here's the entry:

I'm sure I've excited some of you. A strange, but telling title for a blog.

I know many of you have been interested in the fruit of my love life as a single guy. Are you curious to know the "she" that is so beautiful? I am aware of your keen interest in finding me the right lady. Your thoughts and attempts have been flattering and appreciated; however, you can rest now.

Search no more. You'd be glad to know that she is indeed very beautiful. Sadly, I didn't always notice her that way. I admit I was a little blind to her; though she was right under my nose all along. I was just caught up in "doing" the things of life, and as such, it prevented me from seeing her. I am just so glad that God opened my eyes to just how beautiful she actually is.

So who is she? I'm sure you are dying to know.

As a matter of fact, I almost considered her ugly before! Not ugly asethetically, she kept up her physical appearance fairly well. On the outside she could be noticeable a times: elegant, polished, witty, and articulate; but inside, oh inside! I percieved to be so ugly. I thought I knew her, she made me angry at times...her behaviour was atrocious! I was just waiting for her to say something embarassing. Have you ever known someone like that? They can seem so beautiful on the outside, but as soon as they open their mouth, it's like they were just beaten with an ugly stick?

What's even worse, people would talk about the horrible things she did before I met her. Her former loves, her failures, her deciet. I would be appalled and speechless, especially when they would ask why I still keep company with her...

I wondered why I kept company with her.

I used to think she was ugly; but isn't she beautiful?

Yesterday night I was just sitting there and admiring her. She smiled at me.

She smiled at my beating heart. My heart, because it was her own.

Many others were admiring her...I wasn't jealous. We all knew her reputation, but admired her nonetheless. We could all sympathize with the ugliness. I, of all people, could sympathize with her.

We saw her beauty, and saw that there is none like her. God made her, and loves her, even when she did go her own way. There was always a part of her that was beautiful, and longed to be everything God made her to be, even when her hands and feet rebelled and left home.

Her beauty is real. She is beautiful. I just had to look.

I saw her in Africa, where she journyed away from video cameras...
she was beautiful.
I saw her in a crack house, where she replaced drugs for jealous love...
she was beautiful.
I saw her in a broken church, where she stopped pretending...
she was beautiful.
I saw her in a mosque, where she openly shared humility, and vulnerability...
she was beautiful.
I saw her in a broken marriage, where she said 'I'm sorry'...
she was beautiful.
I saw her in a seminary, where she wrestled with mystery...
she was beautiful.
And I saw her in a broken heart, where she offered true love...
she was beautiful.

I began to see her everywhere, because she is everywhere.

Isn't she beautiful?
Why is she beautiful?
Because she bleeds divine blood, and bled she has.

FFT

Woe to him who gets evil gain for his house
To put his nest on high,
To be delivered from the hand of calamity!
You have devised a shameful thing for your house
By cutting off many peoples;
So you are sinning against yourself.
Surely the stone will cry out from the wall,
And the rafter will answer it from the framework.

Woe to him who builds his realm by unjust gain
to set his nest on high,
to escape the clutches of ruin!
You have plotted the ruin of many peoples,
shaming your own house and forfeiting your life.
The stones of the wall will cry out,
and the beams of the woodwork will echo it.

Habakkuk 2: 9-11

Wednesday I'm not in love... in fact, I do care that it's gray...

D'you remember how Garfield had this constant moaning over Mondays (which, in retrospect, seems kind of odd, seeing as he's a cat, and doesn't work)? I am developing this about Wednesdays... wait, 'developing' would be an incorrect thing to say; perpetual presence of dread of Wednesdays is probably more accurate... the bane of my existence, the one morning of the week where I'm not excited about the upcoming day, the monkey on my back, the thorn in my flesh, the anti-raison d'etre...

Asians and Europeans

In earnest discussion with some folks today, trying to explain how my culture affects my faith and its manifestation and realized: Koreans are the Italians of Asia. They are loud, expansive, dynamic, opinionated, effusive and dramatic. One of my Japanese friends then pointed out that her people are the Germans of Asia; quiet, studious, organized. Wanting efficiency and order. Lacking humour. Between the two of us, though, we couldn't quite pinpoint who the Chinese would equate with. To avoid sounding racist, I am going to refrain from pointing out the particular cultural attributes, at least not until someone from that culture can point out a good equivalency...

Circus freak

You know what was very strange for me, thinking back over today? I had spoken to some people this afternoon about how, in their particular presence, I felt like a bit of a circus freak most of the time. It didn't just occur to me till a little while ago that nobody had said in reply something knee-jerk reflex-ish like, "Oh no, you're totally not", or something affirmative like, "You may be a little bit different, but we love you anyways", or something off the cuff like, "Yeah, you are -totally- a freak, you freak". Actually, I didn't actually get anything verbal in response. How strange.... is that normal, to leave someone hanging like that? To leave a statement like that hanging in the air, suspended in motion, leaving one vulnerable and open, and having nothing in response? Something tells me that it's not normal, that it's not the usual and humane response to have... strange how I didn't even notice it until several hours later... I suspect it's because I half-expected no response in the first place...

FFT

What the Doctor Said

He said it doesn't look good
he said it looks bad in fact real bad
he said I counted thirty-two of them on one lung before
I quit counting them
I said I'm glad I wouldn't want to know
about any more being there than that
he said are you a religious man do you kneel down
in forest groves and let yourself ask for help
when you come to a waterfall
mist blowing against your face and arms
do you stop and ask for understanding at those moments
I said not yet but I intend to start today
he said I'm real sorry he said
I wish I had some other kind of news to give you
I said Amen and he said something else
I didn't catch and not knowing what else to do
and not wanting him to have to repeat it
and me to have to fully digest it
I just looked at him
for a minute and he looked back it was then
I jumped up and shook hands with this man who'd just given me
something no one else on earth had ever given me
I may even have thanked him habit being so strong

-Raymond Carver

Bananas for guns...

http://www.thestar.com/article/193592
Sigh... this explains why I am trying very hard not to eat bananas, as convenient, tasty, and easy to make into bread as they are... this is also why I sometimes appear very sanctimonious on issues around food... and why it drives me (bananas, frankly) that people -need- to get bananas for under $0.49/lb...
The sad thing is, it barely made a blip on the stock market... boy, do I have more to say about that soon....

Talking to Americans

So over the past few months, I've made a determination to stop being racist against Americans. I think I've gotten tired of people saying that Americans are a dumb, red-necked, war-mongering, clueless, vacuous, obese, imperialistic peoples. I think it's sad that if we used the kinds of descriptors that we so callously use for Americans against any other peoples, we would easily be labelled as 'racist', but, for some reason, the same does not hold when we talk about our neighbours (can you imagine painting Somalians or Sri Lankans broadly as clueless, ignorant idiots, and developing TV shows to demonstrate that ignorance, as we do here to Americans?).
Now, I don't agree with everything that they do, nor do I agree with all their cultural values either. However, I don't think that that justifies endlessly poking fun at the specks in their eyes, when we've got plenty of logs ourselves, thank you very much....

Life imitating art?

I finally went and bought Vince's new book to read (as I had been hoping all this time that maybe I'd bump into him and get a personally autographed copy... hee hee), and just finished reading it the other night.
Well, wouldn't you know it! I encountered my first cord prolapse last night on call, the night after I had finished reading. Had to jump up and straddle that woman in the bed, hand wedged in to hold up that baby's head, rolling down the hallway on a stretcher, having to transfer with her onto the OR table, and just stuffing my hand in to keep the baby's head back... just like in the book... I thought that was kind of deja vu-ish (though I did think: gosh, at least there's an anesthetist here!)... certainly, by the time I got my hand out of there, I couldn't hold anything properly for about half an hour, but the adrenaline rush of cutting out a healthy baby despite that beats hurtling down a mountain anytime...

Happy International Women's Day

I find it hard to believe that we still need a day to uplift and raise awareness of the plight of women, and I do know that many men complain that there is no reciprocal day for them, but I suspect when the day comes that women no longer have to be slaves, trafficked, prostituted, raped, murdered, kidnapped, forced into poverty, infected with AIDS, left to bring up children alone, oppressed, silenced, tortured, genitally mutilated, cloistered, given off as child brides, afraid to walk the streets at night, labelled as whores or bitches, left defenceless and voiceless, blamed for the crimes committed against them, victimized and held back from the dignified position that they should have as our mothers and our sisters, then, I suppose, there won't be a need for any gender to have a special day anymore.
I must admit, I am quite tired of being labelled a 'feminist' amongst conservative evangelicals for simply believing maybe equality is something to be working towards, that maybe hierarchy just doesn't cut it amongst genders, for hierarchy it is, no matter how you slice it... even reading this makes me laugh, as most of the people I know who aren't con-evs would think it absolutely ludicrous that -I- could even remotely come close to being near the spectrum of feminism...
On the plus side, today I shook the hand of a Nobel Peace Prize nominee.... muchos, muchos gracias, Norma Cruz...

A Birthday Poem

My gosh, I was cleaning up my email inbox, and I had forgotten that my cousin had written this for me for my birthday... it still makes me laugh like stink... I just wanted it posted here for posterity...

Congrats! Happy Birthday! and all the best!
Because you're another year older and closer to death

Is this a day to be happy or a day to be sad?
Well, being another year older isn't that bad.

Gaining experience, being wiser, and growing closer to God
hmmm, don't know what to say next, but "3 peas in a pod"

So when you really think, 28 to 29 is just a small jump..
Just wait 'till you're 30 then you'll feel like a grump.

Thank You. ^__^

-Dennis

P.S. Happy B-day!

FFT

O Church arise, and put your armour on
Hear the call of Christ our Captain
For now the weak can say that they are strong
In the strength that God has given
With shield of faith and belt of truth
We'll stand against the devil's lies
An army bold whose battle-cry is Love
Reaching out to those in darkness

Our call to war - to love the captive soul
But to rage against the captor
And with the sword that makes the wounded whole
We will fight with faith and valour
When faced with trials on every side
We know the outcome is secure
And Christ will have the prize for which He died
An inheritance of nations

Come see the cross where love and mercy meet
As the Son of God is stricken
Then see His foes lie crushed beneath His feet
For the Conqueror has risen
And as the stone is rolled away
And Christ emerges from the grave
This victory march continues till the day
Every eye and heart shall see Him

So Spirit come, put strength in every stride
Give grace for every hurdle
That we may run with faith to win the prize
Of a servant good and faithful
As saints of old still line the way
Retelling triumphs of His grace
We hear their calls and hunger for the day
When with Christ we stand in glory

-K. Getty and S. Townend
(Thanks Ian!)

Every tribe, tongue, every nation

Speaking about community with a good friend almost a year ago now, there are, of course, many obstacles and barriers to make that happen in a viable way. Certainly, I could probably go on about the difficulty there is in finding it, in maintaining and nuturing it, etc.
However, there is greater hope in watching the people of God come together to worship. Even with all our faults, even with all our sins and fumblings. I must say, grooving out to Ugandan singers, vocalizing along with a Jamaican grandmother, and listening with rapt attention to an Indian speaker makes me say, "Wow! Our God is a great and good God!".
In contrast, I do wish the Church here in this corner of the globe would be less ethno-centric, would be more bold, would love more radically, would understand what self-denial really means... I think I can tolerate only so much in dinner parties where the conversation is about where we bought our jeans, or which movies we should go check out, or whether Britney Spears is truly crazy... I can only pray so much for myself as well...

Beauty in taxes

I had to go to Old City Hall the other day. It's funny; there are so many buildings in this city that you could walk by for years, but never actually enter into. It's fairly utilitarian now, but you could tell from the ornate ironwork on the stairwells that it likely once was as beautiful as it is on the outside.
What I could not believe was the waste of money on some of the justice system. Policemen dozing in seats, guarding, I'm not entirely sure what - perhaps their hats (shouldn't they be out catching criminals?)? People waiting hours to get a hearing on some small minor point of the law, losing hours at work and not getting very far. Civil servants (what a big surprise) not doing very much with their workday. Lawyers running in and out of courtrooms, trying to get several small claims going at the same time in different courtrooms.... it was definitely out of my regular sphere, that's for sure.

What a lotta hot... gas...

One of the major things I just cannot understand about humanity, and the media, is exemplified by how this so-called 'gas shortage' is being treated. The news is rife with people complaining about how the petroleum industry is 'cheating' people by increasing the price of gasoline and how panicked everyone is, driving around, trying to fill their tanks. Today, there even ran a story about how taxicab drivers are coping with the shortage, by keeping tabs on one another, and how they're being strategic in the fares they pick up. GIVE ME A BREAK!!!
What I find phenomenal, especially in light of all the hoo-haw that is (finally) being given to climate change, is how no connection is being made. How the fundamental questions of, "How are we going to cope with this when this REALLY happens, for real, when we run out of gasoline?", or even, "Geez, maybe we should wake up to the reality, and push for change in our reliance, nay, our addiction, to oil?" are being completely and utterly ignored. I suppose this is Postman's postulate on Amusing Ourselves to Death: our inability to see beyond the soundbite, our denial of holistic, integrative knowledge, our choosing to be distracted by the immediate and the concrete and what satisfies us NOW vs. what is of true import, of looking at the big picture, of refusing to be swayed by the latest gadget or gewgaw that is being talked about... sigh... it distresses me at how so very few evangelicals think about these things at all; I am so grateful for the handful that do...

Delaying the inevitable...

OK, to re-count, that would be FIVE 24-hour call shifts in TEN days... that is soooo wrong...
At any rate, I am starting to think about the notion that perhaps I should invest in snow tires... probably too late for this season... I keep on using the reasoning that I didn't die in three winters in Ottawa, so why should I get them now? Except for the facts that I got stuck in a snow drift the other day, and had to be punted out by a Jeep pushing my rear-end, and then came fairly close to veering into oncoming traffic several times this evening...

Night of the Living Dead

You know, doing four 24-hour calls in the space of seven days, is NOT FUN... it is, in fact, ANTI-FUN... it is the antithesis of fun, the converse of fun... boy, sometimes you wish the PAIRO rules were still in place...

FFT

In her 2005 book Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy,
historian Stephanie Coontz writes that our contemporary view of
marriage as the most pivotal relationship in our lives is a
development of the last century. Prior, the notion of favouring
marriage above all other bonds would have been considered hubris, a
betrayal of one's service to the public and extended family... Coontz
points to a study that suggests the time Americans spend socializing
with others outside the workplace has declined by almost 25 % since
1965. Free time is spouse time; let the world beyond the heath wait.
But fewer intimate relationships mean fewer people to lean on and more
pressure on marriages. No wonder they break.
-Katrina Onstad

I'm (kind of) ready for my close up...

So, I just narrowly missed being LIVE! on CBC Newsworld today. Really, the only thing that prevented me from being on TV was that I already had a clinic booked full of patients, so couldn't just drop everything just to get on television. But, this is already the second time I've missed getting on air, as some of you know. Not that that's terrible or anything, but it's weird getting requests from the media to expound my opinions as an "expert" (rolllll my eyes)... apparently, I've been able to pull it off fairly well, so far... :P

James talk

I am not entirely sure how skeptical I am becoming; perhaps it's because I'm fairly dense. I need to be smacked upside the head to notice what and how God answers prayers sometimes; I'm not exactly one for subtlety. That being said, if 'the prayers of a righteous man availeth much', and there are at least three pastors and a good dozen or so profoundly respected men of the Church all praying for the same thing, with no obvious answer, does that mean a) they're all not righteous? b) they're not praying? c) ALL their prayers in combination don't seem to be getting to those pearly gates?
None of those seem right to me. Yes, yes, I know the things you're supposed to say, "Sometimes, the answer is No, not Yes", or, "Maybe God is just working on His timing", or, "Maybe there has been an answer, and nobody's seen it yet"... Oiii. Something isn't entirely satisfying with that; like, when loved ones die, despite prayers of intervention and fasting petitions on our knees, we say simply that God said, "No".... that's IT???
Someone throw me a frickin' bone here...

Cultural minutiae

Three things that struck me since I've been home:
1. Ketchup bottles. I don't have to pay $0.20 for each small packet of ketchup that I want anymore.
2. Bathrooms actually in/on the premises of restaurants.
3. Water extravagance. I think (and hope) I'm going to be a bit more water savvy and conserving than I was before. I'd like to get one of those two-flush or low-flush toilets. One of the elderly people I had dinner with in Melbourne had a small bucket in her bathroom sink: all the water that was used to wash hands/brush teeth drained into that bucket, and then she would re-use it to water the plants in her house, instead of just letting it go down the drain. Because it is such a precious and increasingly scarce commodity in Australia, they are gradually starting to learn to steward it like the treasure that it is (not to say, of course, that they use water the way the majority of the planet does, but I think they are more aware of water wastage compared to most of the West). In even the very small ways that I have seen them carefully use water (turning off the shower while soaping up, never using warm or hot water laundry washes, turning the tap on only after they have soaped up their hands to rinse only, not washing their cars or watering their lawns) have been subtle, but, as we all know, small individual ripples can become a tidal wave...

The Emperor's Story

I had to give myself a huge reality check when I opened my closet; I was actually really quite excited to see the selection of clothes that I had come back to... as I had basically worn the same two T-shirts and the same pair of pants for several weeks. This lasted a little bit, scampering around in my finery, until I stopped dead in my tracks: most people in this world are lucky to even have a change of clothing. Many people that I have seen and worked with in India and Africa would likely die of shock to see how well stocked my closets and drawers are filled... especially down on the riverbanks where they wash their clothes, when they get the opportunity, only when it's really necessary... Well, that certainly put a bit more of a sobering reality to my scads of shirts and skirts and pants and socks and wraps and coats and sweaters and...

Australia VIII

Right, the animals here... the following animals I have seen within 1-3m of myself since I've been here and in the wild (in the wild, of course, as I really had a hard time endorsing seeing animals only within the confines of zoos and tourist spots):
Kookaburra, possum (2 species), bats, koala, kangaroo (at least 3 different species), wombat, wallaby (2 species), stingray, dolphins, sealions, seals, echidna, emu, penguins, um, I think that's it... unfortunately, no sharks...

Things I've learned in Australia

1. Centring your day around a pint of milk makes it interesting
2. Eating endangered species leaves one in very awkward social situations
3. Being a dingo eating a baby is not very nice, even if it's imaginary
4. Why are you crying?/Why are you crying?/Please open your eyes
5. Stuff that is burnt-to-a-crisp is totally not cool, irrespective of what it is...
6. Wombats are totally cute, and seeing animals in the wild is much more satisfying than in a conservation park...
7. Game shows leave one with a feeling of being a bit... unsatisfied...
8. Kangaroos can eviscerate you if they get really pissed off.
9. Celebrating and supporting local produce is very cool.
10. I love Tassie!

Tasmania

This is a little piece of heaven; it reminds me of New Zealand in some senses. Forests and rivers and mountains... beautiful local produce, celebrating the bounty that they are able to create, not just in food and wine, but also in craft and art... I believe about a third of its landmass is World Heritage/UNESCO protected... sigh... gorgeous here... great food and drink... nice people.... the weather would be good, if I hadn't thought, "Gee, it's summer vacation, I'm only going to bring one pair of pants"... not so smart when the summer weather down here, at least this week was running around 16-19C and dropping to 10C at night... :P

Australia VII

So, a few more observations:
1. There are a heck of a lot of Germans in this country; most days it feels like half the country is here. They think so too...
2. One of the great things here is that the price that is listed is the price that you pay: all taxes, tip, etc are included in the price. This works well in that you don't have to calculate an extra 30% onto your resto meals. It's also great in that they actually pay waitstaff a decent wage (starting at about $15/hr), so they aren't dependent on tips to actually make a living.... sounds like an ideal world...
3. There's a, I'm not sure how to say it, not really an undercurrent, but more of a 'whisper in the woodwork' of racism in Australian society, I feel. I know, now people are going to get all over me about how judgemental I am. I think there are societal and cultural reasons why this is so. I am certainly not saying that Canadians are non-racist in comparison, but there is certainly more of an undertone here... I will likely end up mulling about this some more, and I think it would be hard to explain... perhaps the language, in naming their Aboriginal peoples the 'blacks', or how hard one group in Australia is trying to deport Sudanese refugees back to Darfur because they bring violence and diseases here (?), or how blokes will just say things to you that make you go 'hunh???'.... anyways, all very subtle, which is why I can't say it's overt, perhaps just a small subconscious undercurrent.... maybe I need to think about this some more...

Australia VI

So, I can now say that I am capable of driving on both sides of the road, though I still can't drive stick. I can now make wide right turns, and instinctively walk to the right side of the car to get into it. After having driven about 2000km (and another whole state to go), I think I can say that is the case....
That being said, I still think the North American way of driving makes more sense: if I forget something in my purse, my right hand is still free to rummage around in the bag, answer the phone, make some calls, grab a snack, etc.... the way they drive on the left, it forces me to drive safely and legally (the nerve! :P )!
As you may not be aware, Australia is the world's driest continent, and has been in fairly severe drought this past year (I'm not sure how it compares to years previous, or if it's compounding previous years, but it is significant). Most of the places we've been have been on water restrictions, or severe water restrictions. You can see it in the land; most of it has been clearly parched, with dry, brittle, brown landscapes. It clearly is landscape waiting for bushfires. In fact, most of the state we've just arrived from has been having a dilly of a time fighting bushfires throughout the state. This has resulted in some power outages in several cities.
You can also see it in the waterfalls, lakes and rivers: most of these waterfalls we have been looking at have been no more than small trickles coming down the sides of cliff faces, and many of these large rivers have been no more than small streams, and some have dried up entirely.
Speaking of bushfires, I was watching the "Kangaroo Creek Gang", which is an Aussie Saturday cartoon about, unsurprisingly, a group of animals, including a kangaroo, emu, koala, possum and wombat. Today's story was about fire, and how fire is never your friend, and you should never light one, and you should always stamp one out when you see one. It was actually a bit scary, and very strange in terms of the teaching reality that this is what they need to tell Aussie kids....

Australia V

A few cool things of note:
1. Got tickets to see the opera in the Sydney Opera House. That was cool, though I must admit, the inside's not much to talk about...
2. Went to Hillsong Church for a couple of services. My, I understand why they sell so many worship music CDs; it is pretty kicking! Encouraging and refreshing services, and totally cool meeting people who are onto God...
3. Had some terrible delicious Shiraz and tried a new one I'd never heard of before: Verdelho, which was so good, I'm actually disappointed I didn't buy a whole dozen instead of just a bottle...

Australia IV

In the interest of saving some coinage, my sibling decided that for some of our travels we would stay with people within six-degrees-of-separation, that is, people that we don't know personally, but that somehow are connected to her network, eventually, in some way.
This has recently caused me some great anguish as we ended up in some guy's house that had several legions of various biting insects (and cockroaches to boot): I'm not entirely sure what they were: fleas? bedbugs? midges? mozzies? Despite that, they had been eating me alive and I am totally distressed by the state of my legs: I honestly don't think they'll ever look normal again, as the scarring and discolouration from all the attacks have left them looking like I have leprosy (seriously: I took pictures).
I had no idea how relatively vain I was until I started swelling up purple and brown with welts all over my legs and not being able to put on my shoes anymore...

Soap box/Fruit box

OK, I gotta say something about this, only because it has to do with food justice. Here, I've noticed backpackers complaining about the prices for fruits and veg. I have, however, noticed how almost their entire fruit and veg supply is from Australia. Certainly, they are blessed by having such climates and growing areas that they can grow everything that we can in North America, but also can grow tropical vegetation as well. This allows them to be able to be almost entirely self-sufficient in growing their own food supply; that is very cool.
However, with that comes the fact that they then have to pay the 'real' prices for produce, as they have to pay Australian wages for Australian goods. For example, bananas sell for about $4/kg regularly. However, during their growing season, terrible hurricanes hit the banana growing regions of Australia, and, for a while, bananas cost about $15/kg, as that was the true market cost for bananas. Apples are about $5-6/kg, lettuce is about $2-3 a head, etc...
I have got to say: at least this is food justice, in terms of paying close to the true price for foodstuffs. It then alarms me, that if Australians are paying this much for local foods, then how do we justify paying the Venezuelans less than $0.39/lb for bananas?

Australia III

A curious thing that I've noted is that Australian restaurants have an aversion to having a toilet. There's lots of public ones, to be sure, but it's rare to have one -in- the resto, to wash your hands, etc... it's a little bit disconcerting...
One thing that I have noticed is that Australia is quite... I'm not sure how to put it... perhaps, American-ish, but that's not a fair thing to say at all, and certainly not even close to what I'm trying to evoke. However, one thing that I have noticed is that Americans tend to love Australia, and Canadians tend to love New Zealand (of which I'd have to confess, I'm one of those)... I think there's a lot of culture and environment which play into that, which I won't go into here... but certainly it's quite the different vibe than the Godzone...

Australia II

My bad: it's actually just the state of Queensland that doesn't agree with DST, out of sheer concern for cows, not the whole country.
Also, for those of you who are concerned: I did DRIVE by Steve Irwin's zoo, but we didn't actually go in. Also, FYI, his daughter Bindi, who is now eight years old (you remember her, she's the baby that was dangled in front of the croc a few years ago), now is hosting her own jungle show on TV. In fact, in today's paper, there's a contest where you win a day with her at the Crocodile Hunter's Zoo... I dunno, something just doesn't sit right with me, seeing as her dad died less than five months ago...
At any rate, I was going to say that one of my new favorite animals is the wombat. It's terribly cute. It's one of the very few animals that won't kill/eat/bite/poison you here (in fact, it's quite cuddly looking). I've been warned not to get into knee-deep water, because sharks can still get you there. Then I was warned not to go into ankle deep water, because there are certain poisonous octopi that can still sting you at that depth. Then I was warned not to step in the water, because I could slip and fall... then I was told to make sure that I was making enough noise WALKING so that snakes could get out of the way... oh, for crying out loud... at this rate, I likely won't get very far, or will die trying...

Australia I

One curious thing that I've noticed, the more I've seen cities in the developed world, is how darned similar they are to one another. There's always a "St Lawrence Market", a "Bay Street", a "Yonge Street", a "Richmond Street", the "gaybourhood", a "Yorkville", etc etc etc... it's a bit disconcerting. Admittedly, here in Brisbane, it's not exactly a tourist destination by any stretch of the imagination (it is, however, a hub to get to other beach and surf destinations on the North coast, and is also home to Steve Irwin's Zoo, which I will NOT be going to... crikey!). It is very much, a city for locals to live and work in, I guess like a Hamilton, or a Windsor.
Another curious thing here: apparently all of Australia does not participate in Daylight Savings Time (there was previously a big debate about it, but people were concerned about confusing the cows, so they opted not to change it(??) ). So, in the midst of the summer, the sun is down by 7pm(!), but up by 5am(!!!), which makes it a bit hard to sleep in, when the kookaburras are already singing by 4:30 in the morning (kind of reminds me of the roosters in Mizoram...)

Beam me up, Scottie

Could someone puh-leeeeese make me a Star Trek Transporter? I completely don't understand how people regularly make the trek between Toronto and Hong Kong... it's enough to make one go mad. Certainly, small graces, like being transferred to an aisle seat in the bulkhead (yes! Possibly one of the most comfortable trans-Pacific crossings I've done, though it's not actually saying much, since I still wasn't horizontal) made things a little bit more tolerable, but it's still quite something, sitting still for 15+ hrs, trying to prevent DVTs like mad...
Have seen some bats and ibises, but not much else, as I'm trying to get accustomed to the hour still...

Urbana

So, those smart folk from Urbana have already got some AV streaming from the conference... boy, have I got envy, but good envy! So happy for Francis, Jimmy, Eileen, Steph, etc etc etc who are over there! Go kids go!

An Xmas Carol

You know, I got all teary-eyed hearing the CBC's narration of A Christmas Carol on the radio this year (not such a great thing to do when one is driving), but I can't shake the vague "Scrooginess" that I get every Christmas. Maybe it's because there's no snow. Maybe it's because Jesus was born in the summertime, and Saturnalia is really not a festival we should be appropriating. Maybe it's because I want to vomit any time I get near a mall for the whole month of December (and most of November). Maybe it's because every symbol that we hold dear at this sentimental time of year, really has nothing to do with the Magnificent, Terrible and Awesome Event that occurred. It has nothing to do with getting together with family (with +/- squabbling), eating way more than is necessary, gift-giving, beautiful trees (though I do like them very very much), big fat elves, rampant consumerism and debt, running around trying to 'see' everybody that you're supposed to over the holidays, drinking too much, too much chocolate, reindeer with sleighbells and red noses, roasted chestnuts, and the whole sentimentality of going 'home for the holidays'.... The Holy Family were actually homeless shortly after they came together....
How did all this mess that we call Christmas come from a dirty, smelly manger of an apparent bastard, refugee child, born in manure, surrounded by illiterate shepherds and foreign, non-Jewish religious men, yet having the heavens singing and dancing for joy for the Saviour had been born? How did we become so syncretistic?
Certainly, I LOVE Christmas trees, and I quite like chocolate, and wine, for that matter (and eating, and parties, and the cocooning we do this time of year). But I wonder: Why do I run like mad, trying to achieve I'm-not-entirely-sure-what, when really, I miss Advent entirely year after year, and the Event that makes the season is -almost- (note I say almost, not is) secondary to the rest? Why do I not fall down and worship in the manure and the hay, and say, The Anointed One, The Ancient of Days, YHWH Himself has brought Himself here, and lament and love the fact that He has chosen to lie, squalling in a feedpen, as wretched as we? Isn't that what Christmas is all about?

The great Q

So, it's finally over now: the hour long commutes, the amazing and gifted speakers, the piles of homework (OK, that's not completely done yet, but it's happening)... but it was totally worth it! Enough so that we'll do it again next fall! Holy cannolli, I am convinced that we could start a small earthquake if we do it again downtown, so downtown we shall go! Warning to all thinking and sentient beings, as I am sure that you need to come along too!

FFT

I'm not sure where she found the poem, but I just thought I'd link it; impressive work from such a young man...
http://lisachildofgod.blogspot.com/2006/11/stand-people-of-west.html

Representin'...

So I was talking with some friends about the Disney Princesses line. One girl, in fact, STILL loves the Princesses line. You know, the whole Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella are all friends thing, so that little girls everywhere will buy all the purses/underwear/dresses/toys/DVDs/etc etc etc that Disney can possible push out of China...
At any rate, we realized some discrepancies... certainly, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella are the highest echelon princesses, the triumvirate, the ultimate trinity of princessdom... but then you throw in Ariel (The Little Mermaid) and Belle (Beauty and the Beast) and it starts looking a little whitewash, if you ask me....
We did concede the fact that Disney has wisely thrown in Mulan, Pocahontas and Princess Jasmine to represent the yellow people, the aboriginal peoples and the brown people, but a black friend of mine wisely pointed out, "And who do they have to represent the black people? All I've got is Nala, and she's a LION!!!! I've got no representation!"
So, hence the problem: Five white girls, one from each other minority group, and the black people represented by an animal... is there something here that nobody else has noticed?

Look both ways before crossing the street...

Again, I think safety sometimes is highly over-rated. Case in point: just got a big lecture of why would I consider going to the Middle East, if I'm just going to get bombed/kidnapped/raped, or all three at the same time? That would certainly put a damper on any trip, I am sure. "You know, that time in Bagdhad? Remember the way we were pistol-whipped and blindfolded and left out in the desert? Yeah, that kind of sucked... but at least the falafels were good... "
However, if we are convicted that people are lost, and there's only One Way to help them out of the quagmire, then safety should not be our greatest concern, nor our greatest goal.
Now, this is partially sheer bellicosity on my part, as I myself lack great courage and great conviction and quite like the common Western comforts of home. As CT Studd once said, "Some wish to live within the sound of a chapel bell, I wish to run a rescue mission within a yard of hell." Wow.
I know some well-meaning people try to make me feel comfortable in my skin, saying it's OK to be blessed by God and it's OK to appreciate His massive blessings as long as I use them wisely, but I wonder how much of that, in our drowsiness and spiritual stupor, is simply us drinking at Belshazzar's feast, awaiting the writing on the wall?

Bookworms

OK, I just measured the stack of books that I've bought, just over the past few months: it now stands over a metre high....

Jerks, and other pieces of excrement...

People often wonder why I'm not totally psyched about my job, waking up each morning (that I actually go to work) thinking, "Gee whiz! I'm going to work! How excited I am in being in the midst of God's will for my life!", that I seem a bit non-committal, or less than enthused, about the nature of my job.
The reasons are manifold, and not necessarily just because I don't like my work; that's not actually true at all.
However, case in point: Got threatened with a lawsuit (again!) because someone had a cold and I refused (in my medical opinion) to give him the antibiotics he craved; was told I was a "clown" and "not worth my medical degree", and that, if he shows up in clinic tomorrow still sick, then I will be looking at the commencement of a lawsuit, which, makes me mad, but also makes me roll my eyes, since there's really nothing that holds water.
Or my colleague, when dealing with a patient who didn't agree with her diagnosis, questioned her along the lines of, "Your medical education is worthless! Where'd you get it? China?" which (I don't blame her; she's normally a very nice girl) made her blow her top.
Or the fact that I had to call CAS (again!) for idiotic parents who have no right to be raising children, shouldn't even be allowed the privilege to have any, should be publicly sterilized and sent away to some penal colony where they will always leave children alone, and can never inflict themselves on children ever again.
All in one day; it wrecks all the other lovely people and interactions that happen the rest of the day...

Though there is always light at the end of the tunnel...

You know what is truly tragic? When there are folks who love each other a helluva lot, but, for whatever reason(s), just aren't able to make things work this side of eternity...

Bread, not circuses

It's kind of nice when someone understands your point of view and doesn't think you're a total Scrooge for being anti-OCC. But, hey, anti-OCC I am, and in discussion with said understanding-type person, I think I've refined my reasoning for being so, so for that, I am grateful.

The dance card

You know, having to turn down a chef is almost heart-breaking, when you think of all the potentially delicious things that could be made for you to be eaten... bah

Prophecies and lies...

There has recently been a lot of discussion around the issue of same sex marriage lately; whether it's good or bad for society, whether we should or shouldn't be bringing it back to the House for another round of talks, whether or not the sky has fallen, as some had surely predicted, since the legislation has passed...
I remember also having several relatively heated discussions at the last election as to my electoral preferences, as, for some, the election was a one horse issue, mainly having to do with sexual morality. Forget climate change, forget child care, forget education or health care: the issue was that of sexual mores.
So, having been brought back to the fore again, it just makes me shake my head.
I think the issue that really is at core is that of reactivity vs proactivity. Personally, I think that we should've been proactive twenty, thirty years ago, as it was an issue already germinating and percolating around that point in time. How much more of an impact can we make in changing and shaping culture, rather than simply reacting to it, reacting to something that was already there, and is simply doing its logical dénouement?
I am not surprised that evangelicals, especially on the fundamentalist side of things, are losing ground to some of the more loosey-goosey teaching. It really is too bad, surely, as it seems that there is a shift to what 'tickles men's ears', rather than solidly standing on the Word. However, in not being responsive to society, in keeping blinkers on and not seeing where culture is going, where it is at, how can we respond in hope and compassion? If we cannot be relevant, how can we legitimately have a voice?
I would like to shape culture, to envision and change the course the history, rather than wait for something to happen and have a tantrum that I didn't see it coming... anybody with me?

Sugared plum dreams...

Walking through the bookstore, and, surprisingly/stunningly not emerging with a new book in hand, I realized I could probably start listing some wishes... this is completely self-serving, and not meant to be taken seriously, especially as I'm not much of a believer in the allegorical value of Christmas presents...

Anton Conbijn's U2 & i (what a big surprise; no need to list any of the other relatively new books on the market, as I've already bought them all, sheepishly)
Martha Stewart's (are you serious? Yes!) Baking Handbook
Stephen Lewis' Race against Time
John Stackhouse's Finally Feminist

Well, those are all I can think of in this moment...

Let them eat cake...

I'm never really quite sure how comfortable I should be with being too bourgeois. Case in point: went to the Royal Horse Show the other day, which encompasses harness racing and show jumping, all jodphurs and jingles. Went in formal dress too, because we were asked to. Felt a bit silly doing so, until I noticed that everyone in our section was completely decked out. But then felt a bit silly again, when realizing we were basically the only minority peoples in the whole stadium.
It felt, I don't know, bourgeois. Like all tea and crumpets and God save the Queen and tut tut and opera glasses and tiaras and oh darling, look at the poor plebecites and all that. Though it was really cool to watch the horses jump around and do all that stuff, it was a bit strange trying to reconcile whether it was right. Certainly, admiring the ability of man to demonstrate dominion over these beautiful beasts is one thing, however, the inherent undemocracy (is that even a word?) of the sport left us scratching our heads a bit.

seeking the welfare of that belle ville...

I couldn't quite put a finger on it, until someone pointed out to me: There is an oppressiveness palpable in the streets of Montreal. I think one can see it in the despair of the eastern stretch of St Catherine, which boasts even more sex shops than even Yonge St could even handle. The "someone" is a missionary friend of mine who works in city of Montreal, having been called there years ago due to the appalling lack of light. He says when he gets the opportunity to come home to Toronto, which isn't often, he can feel the blessing that "Toronto the Good" has, which refreshes him and helps him go back into the battlefield. I think I could understand and relate to that, listening to his perspective on the spiritual barrenness of that province... it calls for more 'knee-mail'...

FFT

(Though it's a film-based, not a text-based, FFT.)
http://www.sermonspice.com/search/%22heart+of+God%22/all/1/
Watch the first one. Though I'm sure the other one is just fine too. :)

... and I feel (kinda) fine...

So it's official: Fish scientists confirm that, at the rate that we are going, global fish stocks will collapse (ie. no more sushi anymore, ever) by 2048. Climatologists state that we have, at the very latest, until 2050 before irreversible changes in our atmosphere occur, if we are not almost there yet. Population growth academics believe we will hit 7 billion people on this planet by about 2020. This fact seems a bit strange to me, considering HIV scientists speak of the plague and scourge of HIV/AIDS, killing tens of thousands by the day, infecting thousands around the planet daily. Most secular scientists now agree that we are heading towards irreversible destruction and possible extinction, likely within our (but not the baby boomers, who happen to be most of the scientists, and thus, won't be around, the lucky punks) lifetimes.
On the plus side, missiologists speak of how we are very close to telling the good news to all nations, also possibly within our lifetimes (whether we shall catch up with the millions infected with HIV/AIDS to be able to speak hope into their lives is a completely other issue). This is amazing (and admittedly scary) news.
Personally, I think this points to several obvious conclusions, though it is odd: speaking to some sisters the other day, one vehemently disagreed with me... which left me scratching my head...

FFT

There is no instance of an Apostle being driven abroad under the compulsion of a bald command. Each one went as a lover to his betrothed on his appointed errand. It was all instinctive and natural. They were equally controlled by the common vision, but they had severally personal visions which drew them whither they were needed. In the first days of Christianity, there is an absence of the calculating spirit. Most of the Apostles died outside of Palestine, though human logic would have forbidden them to leave the country until it had been Christianized. The calculating instinct is death to faith, and had the Apostles allowed it to control their motives and actions, they would have said: “The need in Jerusalem is so profound, our responsibilities to people of our own blood so obvious, that we must live up to the principle that charity begins at home. After we have won the people of Jerusalem, of Judea and of the Holy Land in general, then it will be time enough to go abroad; but our problems, political, moral and religious, are so unsolved here in this one spot that it is manifestly absurd to bend our shoulder to a new load.”
-Charles Brent

of de Beauvoir and Loren... (ick...)

A friend of mine has been trying to challenge me on my relatively conservative view of women and femininity. Heck, he's (note: it's a -he-) a pretty radical feminist from a Church perspective, all things considered. Though I think his viewpoint deserves merit, I must admit that I carry a fairly stereotypical traditionally Protestant viewpoint of women, which, I must also admit, is not likely to be the best viewpoint. However, in light of these stats, I can understand why perhaps many in the church, myself included, must change, or at least modify, our understanding of these matters... 'Women make up 35% of the world's paid labour force, head up 33% of all households, make up 95% of all nurses, perform 62% of all work hours, yet receive 10% of the world's income, own 1% of the world's properties, make up 70% of the poor, 66% of illiterates, 80% of refugees, 75% of the sick...'

FoodSharing

Certainly, I'd like feedback from others who were there, but I think the inaugural dinner/salon/soiree was a relative success. Sincerely, the meeting of such interesting, fascinating minds and hearts did me good. Discussions ranging from creation stewardship, to missional strategy, to the role of prophesy, to speaking healing into people's lives, to politics... Wow! I am humbled by the brilliance and the diversity of His children.
Certainly, we shall do this again, hopefully, with a few more bottles of Riesling and Shiraz to go around... :)

Paradigm shifts (groan, how uninspiring...)

Running on the theme that's been running through school lately, I realize there are "eras" that come and go. I am also aware, to a certain extent, at how powerful culture is at dictating our actions and functions in the world. At various points in different "eras", I've revisited that concept... I think I'm coming to a breakthrough of yet another "era" of culturality, and how one moves in (or, really, through, or beyond) that... I think that might be a good thing... The trappings of culture sometimes become just that: a trap... I cannot advocate for homogeneity, but neither can I endorse or accept cultural values that are simply wrong... I think the breakthrough might be that I don't have to explain or rationalize wrong cultural values so that I can make sense of the world, that I can begin to rationalize the actions of others, but that it's OK to state that they are wrong, they are broken, they need fixing, and not to have to apologize or rationalize that...

The Plague of the 21st Century?

I suspect I shall probably end up writing some more about this topic at other times, seeing as it's so huge, and I would've written sooner, but I've been swamped lately.
I started doing some volunteer clinical work at one of the major HIV/AIDS clinics in Toronto, to get my hands wet again. It's surprising at how much has changed, even over the span of my relatively short career. I feel like a bit of a medical student again, as I no longer remember (well, mainly cause they didn't exist at the time) medications and treatment regimens.
I am also surprised (though I really shouldn't be, as I knew it as 'fact' in my head) at the profile of the people that I meet: old (even very old, with new diagnoses in their 70s) and young, gay and straight, white and non-white, married and not, immigrant and Canadian-born, drug users or clean. I am further astonished at how relatively well, even downright healthy, HIV carriers look here in Canada. I had kind of forgotten that people no longer really die of AIDS here anymore, as I still remember vividly people dying of AIDS in front of me in Africa.
I think it's that last statement that strikes me most. Some patients are able to body-build here and get good nutrition, so you would not recognize the face of HIV walking the streets of Toronto. It is a far cry from the gaunt, emaciated, lethargic half-corpses that die lying on some mattress in an African hospital hallway... that's the injustice that cries out for me...

Ask, and it shall be given unto you

OK, so yesterday we're praying that my folks are safe overseas, and guess what happens today? An EARTHQUAKE, for crying out loud! What the....?
Though, to be honest, I think that's humbling: What a silly, greedy, selfish thing to ask, that my folks stay SAFE. Safety is highly over-rated. I suppose I should rather be asking that they would be kept under His shadow, and that should be enough for me, even if they do fall into a large volcanic crater due to the sheer force of the tectonic plates shifting and melt in the piping hot lava bursting up in the clefts.... :P

There's Nothing to fear but Fear Itself...

One of the things that really bugs me about myself (amongst the many things) is fear. Which stymies me: how can I dare be afraid when One has told me, "It is I! Do not be afraid!". But it's crazy at how much stuff I'm afraid of; really, it's crazy how much stuff we're all afraid of, at the end of the day, isn't it?

As Charlie Brown would say....

AAAAUUUUGGGGHHH!!!!! Snow!!!! And it fell on my nose and eyelashes!

Whoever dies with the most toys.... dies...

It's been a while since I've read something truly jaw-dropping... but this week, the newspapers have been writing about how doctors make soooo much money.... and certainly, looking at the numbers, I was SHOCKED!... apparently, 224 family doctors in our province (now, to be fair, there are several tens of thousands, if not in the hundreds of thousands of family physicians in Ontario, so it IS a very small minority, and, also to be fair, every other category of physician makes wayyyy more than the average family doc) made an average of $627,000 last year. Each! I had to do some calculations in my head.... for me to earn that much in a year, I'd have to work about 21-22 days a WEEK! Full time! With overtime! It completely boggled my mind how it was even humanly possible to earn that much as a family doctor...
Which brings it back to the money issue... I think, inevitably, the gift of giving is one that almost automatically belongs to me, and I have (usually, and hopefully, very infrequently) few problems with that issue... but sometimes I find it's hard with the added expectation that that comes with... that people come to me, directly or indirectly, with their hand open, with excellent reasons and pitches, as to why I have to help fill that hand...
Now, to be sure, all the excellent people and organizations that I am supporting are well deserving and are wise stewards in what they are given, and they all participate fruitfully in what they do. Blessings on all of that. But it seems strange to be stuck with the assumption that I'm an eternal fount of cash flow, perhaps even forgetting that I have other gifts and skills that also can be used and developed and nutured...
Yes, yes, I also hear the detractors out there saying, oh poor you, sucks to be you with so much money.... I even know which ones you'd be...

Here we go again...

Oh dear, when it rains, it pours. So, another one of my women comes in this morning, with a week to go, and I am afraid to tell her I think her baby's dead. Send her to the hospital, where instead, they can tell her so, and prove it to her by showing her the heart's no longer beating (was desperately hoping, hoping, hoping, I was wrong... though I knew I wasn't...).
This, of course, gets no easier (see posting from February 22nd, 2006)... I suspect I will be the one to deliver her, as I'm conveniently in the hospital this weekend. Which I suppose is appropriate; I diagnosed death, I should bring it to completion.

R.I.P.

For f&$#'s sake, I am tired of women (and men, actually) being under the impression that having a baby is this lovely, safe thing, all perfume and roses, 'cause that's just a bunch of shit, really.
I've had many patients die on me before, but this is MY first. My OWN patient that I was taking care of, who I'd been following during her pregnancy. Died over the weekend, and, due to some communication snafus, I only found out about this morning, since I'd stopped by the hospital. I cried and cried and cried in my car on the way to the clinic.
Cause she didn't have to die. Oh dear God. Baby's got no mommy now. Fuck this; I am so tired of people thinking it's all lovely, to be pregnant and all, that they pay no mind to the matter that pregnancy and childbirth are some of the most dangerous undertakings a woman can take...

There's no taste like home...

Remember those old Foodland Ontario commercials from when we were kids? At any rate, I spent some time with a family I know who are apple farmers and was helping them bring in the harvest from among their 17,000 trees (them's a lot of apples)... it's quite something, fruit harvesting. Much more labour intensive then you'd imagine, as each apple has to be individually hand picked from the tree, being careful not to damage the tree, so it can produce again next year, carefully looking over the whole fruit to see if it's 'supermarket grade' or not (you keep the 'non-perfect looking' apples for personal use, which ends up being quite a few of them), and then accumulating them in your bag so that you don't bang them up too hard, so that they cease being supermarket grade. This is on top of a spring of re-grafting and preparing the ground and a whole summer of pruning and carefully tending the orchard every single day (except Sunday). Throw on top of that those terrible storms we had in August (causing one to lose 600 trees for harvest), and what do you get? A lousy 50 cents a kg of apples. And that's in a good year. I think that's appalling. For a whole year's worth of work.
This highlights the general difficulties farmers in our country have. Being undercut by the Chinese (BTW, most of the apple juice sold in Canada is actually from Chinese apples.. Boo!, not our own, not even the USA's), and other imports makes it hard for our farmers to compete. ("But they're so cheap, buying apples from New Zealand..." I hear people saying, "Why should I pay $1.30/lb of Ontario apples when I can buy them for $0.90/lb from NZ or Chile???") I mean, other people have talked about carbon emissions as part of the equation as well (can you imagine having to fly several tonnes of apples all the way from New Zealand?), as well as the freshness factor (again, can you imagine having to fly several tonnes of apples all the way from New Zealand?).
I brought some of the 'seconds' apples to some friends yesterday, and even they could admit the apples were delicious... but of course: They were picked within 24 hours, and only about 80 km away from where they stood....
I'm encouraging us, as much as possible, to support our farmers and to think about food consumption patterns (what a big surprise that that's the big conclusion I come to :P )...

Happy Christmas (War is Over)

I've been mulling over the thoughts of pacifism and, I guess, un-pacifism over the past week.
In the space of less than two days: A discussion about why pacifism is the 'right' way of thinking about engagement in world affairs, the example of Dirk Willems, the discussion over rice rolls of why engagement of oppressors in a Ghandi/Martin Luther King Jr. type manner is the only truly effective method of ceasing strife and promoting shalom. Followed by a rally to support UN resolutions to send troops into the Sudan (OK, so those resolutions have been there for over a year now, but still...)... ironic in that many many many young, impressionable student-types were there, raising their fists in the air and yelling at the appropriate times without thinking, "Hey, troops means warfare means possible (gasp!) Western casualties means possibly people I know means possibly (oh my!) me"... despite Sen Dallaire's skirting around the issue that involvement in Darfur would require sacrifice, would require manpower and troops, would require Western deaths (despite the fact that we have already let half a million Darfurians die, but that's another matter, I suppose some would say)... again, discussing this over herbal tea afterwards, the realization that perhaps pacifism is an easy stance to take in the West, that perhaps when God demands that we defend the defenceless, He means it, that perhaps the assumption that we hold that the corpses in the West hold more value than corpses in the developing world (which we prove over and over again... see Somalia, see Rwanda, see Vietnam, see the teetering in Iraq and Afghanistan...) prevents us from really administering justice. That perhaps pacifism tries to split that 'mean, Old Testament YHWH' from the 'gracious and merciful Jesus', which denies God His dignity, His wrath and His righteousness... That perhaps fear, and categorization of others as "them", and us as "we" makes it easier for "us" to shun the other... This was furthermore followed the same day with the centrality of Jesus, and then, the next day, a discussion with a mission-minded friend about how we poorly prioritize our lives (I owe a huge, long-deferred debt of respect and admiration to this man... yeah, you know who you are...)
Which brings up a larger question: many who think globally consider themselves "global citizens" (sometimes, in my moments of conceit, I would like to think that of myself as well), though it brings back the question: Do we truly consider ourselves fellow brothers with those in the South, in the East? Is it as easy to, say, pay some more taxes to help out more Canadians or volunteer at a local soup kitchen, as it is to actually go and help those who actually starve and are tortured? It shakes me to the core when we, as sophisticated, urban, educated professionals, consider ourselves so enlightened, so engaged, so politically savvy, yet, like the mandarins, sit with our hands folded and nod our heads ever so slightly to demonstrate that we care, that we want to make a difference, while the rice paddy farmers starve and die....

Sanctus, sanctus

I am thinking that somehow I'm gradually becoming the patron saint of teenage pregnancies of Brampton. Which is so weird, as I'm trying very hard to find something redemptive in that. But it's quite difficult, looking down the barrel of what the future holds for BOTH children (mom and babe inclusive). I suppose also that there is some cosmic irony in there too, which I find amusing, but it still does not bode well for the future of our nation...

Thinking about Noam Chomsky, oddly...

One of the things that I do when I meet new patients is to ask them their ethnicity. Not only is that important in helping delineate certain diseases that they may be more susceptible to, but also, I'm just interested in knowing where people are from, or how they identify themselves. And it's quite wonderful: I have people in my practice spanning the globe, from Jamaica, Trinidad, Mexico, El Salvador, Ghana, Nigeria, Iran, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, China, The Phillipines, France, Romania... it's quite something. There are several things that I find very interesting (or disturbing, depending on how I look at it on any given day). One is, Newfoundlanders see themselves as a distinct ethnic group, which always makes me smile. Secondly, I find that white people, unless they are recent immigrants themselves, don't understand the concept of ethnicity. Most of them look at me blankly, always asking me to clarify what I just said. When they understand, they tell me that they are 'Canadian'. When I push further, ie. Do you have Scottish/English/Irish/German blood in you? most have no idea, and insist that they are 'Canadian', and nothing more.
This makes me ponder: Canadian in what way? Are us hypenated Canadians less Canadian because of that? Do 'Canadians' consider us less Canadian than they are, then, by extension? Do the 'ethnics' hold on too tightly to their culture? Do the white people not hold tightly enough?
The lines around nationalistic pride do need to be watched carefully, that being said. Nationalism, at its extreme, whether your adopted or inherited nation, certainly is very dangerous. To find full identity in where the 'motherland' is is also a dangerous thing. It certainly contributes to a feeling of 'us' vs. 'them'.
Is there perhaps a middle ground? To segregate, to differentiate, to exclude or include based on some conception of where 'you' are from, being different from my roots, is problematic. However, to blankly not recognize them either, to gloss over and deny the variant nuances, denies the richness of who we, as people, are...

FFT

Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God; But only he who sees,
takes off his shoes - The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning

(Thanks Bob!)

FFT

That God does not exist, I cannot deny. That my whole being cries out for God, I cannot forget.
-Jean Paul Sartre

...how it gently lifts me...

One of the wonderful qualities of the people of God is the tangibility of their prayers. Some prayers feel like gossamer wings, some feel like shields of steel, others feel like shafts of light coming through the clouds, some like strong towers... Even others feel like wailings in the night, others shake like belly-dancers, and others leap over buildings in a single bound... It is humbling; humbling to hear, humbling to sense, humbling to know.
I hope, in some small way, that my prayers are heard in the Most High, even if they are made of styrofoam, or are the size of a sandcastle... to become a true prayer warrior, to be a regular sender and recipient of knee-mail (thanks Q), is, I think, a tremendous goal... now praying that I might have the fortitude to take that as my own...

Big, bouncy baby boy!

Hooray! Hooray! A chunky-monkey boogaloo! At 8lbs 6oz! Hooray! Love you all!!!

Excuse me, but are you Sook-Yin Lee?

I have always failed to understand the interest, verging on obsession, in celebrities (that being said, when I get holed up in the middle of Bruce County in a snowstorm, I like flipping through old issues of People as much as the next person).
Case in point, as we are currently in the TIFF. Admittedly, I was wearing Shiz's earrings, with my hair flipped and sunglasses on, but come on now! That doesn't mean that I automatically am someone famous.... walked into the Bay/Bloor Indigo, and was stopped SIX times in less than ten minutes by sales clerks in the store... when the heck do you get offered any help in an Indigo? Asking if I wanted help, was I sure, did I want something to drink (???what??).... I was thinking to myself that perhaps they were all blind or something, as I didn't have a little puppy dog sticking out of my purse, and my shirt, though linen, was kind of wrinkly... oh well, I suppose it's nice to think that I was vaguely fashionable on a Toronto weekend...

Things that make you go 'hm'...

Is it just me, or is there something contradictory about how Jack Layton wants Canada to have troops in Lebanon, but wants our troops out of Afghanistan? The way that our troops have been labelled 'terrorists' by the NDP (now since retracted)? The way that our soldiers fight to defend something that they believe in, yet we want to suppress their valour and bravery? That Canadians get all hyper that five of our guys die, but hardly bat an eyelash when hundreds of 'them' do? I find it very strange, that even with the all the discussion, all the rhetoric, even all the warnings from Romeo Dallaire, we, the elite who can comfortably sit at home and criticize, without even having all the facts, can simply make sweeping statements about who and who should not die. Which mainly draws the lines around 'we' should not die, and 'they' can simply go f*#^ themselves...

... and crisp apple strudel...

Things I am quite enjoying lately (not that I haven't before, just that I've been particularly enamoured of some foods of late): Fair Trade mint chocolate, apple crumble yogurt, pesto made with ingredients from my backyard, goat cheese, artichoke and asiago dip, hand-picked berries, portobello mushrooms, Ontario lamb from the farm next door to the dining room (super yum!), Tina's apple pie with apples from her orchard, fresh Ontario corn and peaches.... yum....

FFT

If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength being small;
if you hold back from rescuing those taken away to death, those who go staggering to the slaughter;
if you say, "Look, we did not know this" - does not He who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not He who keeps watch over your soul know it? And will He not repay all according to their deeds?
Proverbs 24: 10-12

The boredom of anticipation

So, this is my third day of 24-hour call in the past four. I'm a little bit bleary-eyed, not so much b/c I've been run off my feet, per se, but, I think, b/c of the erratic bouts of sleep. And, I think, there's a component of cabin fever, when you're stuck wandering hospital corridors for that much time in a row. Especially when nothing in particular is going on, and one is sitting around, waiting for disaster to strike...

The Great Wall causes division...

OK, seriously now, what the hell is wrong with Chinese people? I haven't been able to figure it out, frankly. This is truly getting beyond ridiculous...
Compare: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20060824.wxchina24/BNStory/International/home
to:
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20060824.wchinactivist0824/BNStory/International/home

FFT

It is curious how people take it for granted that they have a right to preach to you and pray over you as soon as your income falls below a certain level.
-George Orwell

Rock-a-bye baby

You know, there is something about the non-drug-induced stupor that a good Mennonite bed, fresh country air and cooking, and being gently awoken by the lowing of cattle that lets you go on and on like a Sleeping Beauty....

East or West, left or right?

I think musing on the diversity of the 'faith spectrum' has taken up my thoughts of late. I often wonder how Jesus did it. Besides the fact that He's God and could see in to the heart of man and know what he thinks. And the fact that He's omniscient and omnipotent. And that He's God. I think if I had X-ray vision like that, instead of seeing life in all its glorious messiness, it might just be incredibly despairing. But I digress.
Where are our lines drawn? Is it right to draw them? Is that Biblical? Certainly, lines drawn in indelible ink cannot be so. However, lines in the sand, that shift and change to acquiesce to everyone, in the hopes that each has some of the 'Truth' in them, that also cannot be so. The road is straight and narrow. I don't think it is easy, with paved asphalt and good signage, but I don't think it is also so obscured that anybody and everybody has some sort of toe-hold on it. I sometimes worry that in the West, in our good-hearted desire to love everyone in grace and mercy, we forget that our God is also a God of righteousness and holiness. Do we then become agents of God's wrath on others when we don't clarify and teach others about God? How will we stand in front of Him if we lead others to think that they are merrily skipping down the same road as we?